在生命裡最美暖流 是你的問候 細水常流 流過我胸口
在風雪裡最美鏡頭 是抱著你 可惜不能到最後
在手心裡最美感受 是曾有過你 彷彿依舊 牽著我的手
Sunday, May 18, 2014
A-Lin - 給我一個理由忘記 Give me a reason to forget [Eng Sub]
每當我笑了 心卻狠狠的哭著 給我一個理由忘記 那麼愛我的你 給我一個理由放棄 當時做的決定 有些愛 越想抽離卻越更清晰 而最痛的距離 是你不在身邊 卻在我的心裡
Hu, Xia, 胡夏 - Those Bygone Years 那些年
又回到最初的起点
记忆中妳青涩的脸
我们终于来到了这一天
桌垫下的老照片
无数回忆连结
今天男孩要赴女孩最后的约
又回到最初的起点
呆呆地站在镜子前
笨拙系上红色领带的结
将头发梳成大人摸样
穿上一身帅气西装
等会儿见妳一定比想像美
好想再回到那些年的时光
回到教堂座位前后
故意讨妳温柔的骂
黑板上排列组合
妳舍得解开吗
谁与谁坐他又爱着她
那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想拥抱妳
拥抱错过的勇气
曾经想征服全世界
到最后回首才发现
这世界滴滴点点全部都是妳
那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想告诉妳
告诉妳我没有忘记
那天晚上满天星星
平行时空下的约定
再一次相遇我会紧紧抱着妳
紧紧抱着妳
又回到最初的起点
呆呆地站在镜子前
笨拙系上红色领带的结
将头发梳成大人摸样
穿上一身帅气西装
等会儿见妳一定比想像美
好想再回到那些年的时光
回到教堂座位前后
故意讨妳温柔的骂
黑板上排列组合
妳舍得解开吗
谁与谁坐他又爱着她
那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想拥抱妳
拥抱错过的勇气
曾经想征服全世界
到最后回首才发现
这世界滴滴点点全部都是妳
那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想告诉妳
告诉妳我没有忘记
那天晚上满天星星
平行时空下的约定
再一次相遇我会紧紧抱着妳
紧紧抱着妳
那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想拥抱妳
拥抱错过的勇气
曾经想征服全世界
到最后回首才发现
这世界滴滴点点全部都是妳
那些年错过的大雨
那些年错过的爱情
好想告诉妳
告诉妳我没有忘记
那天晚上满天星星
平行时空下的约定
再一次相遇我会紧紧抱着妳
紧紧抱着妳
3 May 2014
3 May 2014 (Friday)
Dear Piggy,
Pardon me for writing this. But I just feel so terrible inside that I have nowhere to go, nobody to talk to, and nothing I can do. All I can do is write. Perhaps somehow the pain will go away.
I really really want to give you my blessings with all my heart. But I am afraid I just can't do it. I am happy that you are happy, but every part of me wishes that it is a nightmare that I will eventually wake up from, just like the numerous times that I dreamt about this scenario. I knew it was impossible that a wonderful girl like you would be single all this while, but I tried not to think too much about it. For all the teasing about the lan tao hua, there was never a day when I stopped fearing that the next one would be real. To be honest, I really really tried to suppress my feelings about you all this while. God knows how many times I have wanted to pick up the phone to text you or call you whenever I experienced new things over here, and even just to ask how you were getting on. Your duties, your nephew, your scholarship, all the silly bridesmaid wedding prep stories etc etc. But many times I put the phone back down again, as I wasn't sure whether I was bothering you. Sometimes you just seem too busy to reply. I should have known that someone else was in your life...
But the last few days have been so painful, and the pain reminded me of what I have known all along - that I still love you as much as ever. I don't want to make you feel sorry or guilty - but you were my motivation. No matter how tough the work was here, I always kept you on my mind, and wanted to make you proud of me. When you told me you could be going for XXX, I knew I had to work hard, giving me a better chance of perhaps doing a postgrad with you.
But that was all in my head isn't it? And it has always been like this for us - me thinking some things but never saying them out, and perhaps you too. Thinking back, I feel so silly, and so angry, because there were so many chances for me to make things right, but I didn't. I remembered you told me you broke off with your ex because he was so insistent about his proposal and pressurising you. So I always wanted to give you enough space. Whenever I missed you, I wanted to drive to your place and tell you how much I missed you, but I didn't want to be like stalker, who turned you off and freaked you out. All I ever wanted was to tell you how much I loved you, that I wanted to leave the grey area behind, but at a suitable time, especially with you facing so much pressure at work at that time. It is so silly that throughout the course of more than one year, the timing was so elusive. We never got to go on the vacation that we had talked about. We never got to have a good talk as papers and meetings came and went. The gap between us just grew and grew. In the end, I guess I just never gave you enough security, that there was going to be a future with me. Why didn't I do that???? I fucking hate myself for not doing that.
Remember when I told you how I felt that you were the right one for me? That still didn't change... But there were also times when I looked at myself in the mirror in the morning, and feel like such a loser, that I don't feel good enough for you. Like how my friend said he was 'punching above his weight', I felt like that too when I was with you. But perhaps this was my mistake all along, so obsessed with how I was feeling, whether you were the right one, whether I was the right one, that I neglected how you feel. Yet the more I tried to compensate by giving you space, the worse it got. I wish that I had met more people before you, because these are all mistakes that people make when they are young. So that when they meet the right one, things fall into place. But now that I have lost you, it feels like I will take these lessons to my grave, never to use them again.
Words don't even begin to describe how I feel, to have the small sliver of hope within me ripped out. Thanks for letting me know, rather than to find out through some other way. But now that you are going to be someone else's wife, I don't even have the chance to tell you I miss you anymore in future. Here goes one last time - I miss you and I love you piggy. You were my happiness, my everything.
Perhaps you are right, I am never good at being just friends, definitely not with you... I wish you happiness in everything you do.
Dear Piggy,
Pardon me for writing this. But I just feel so terrible inside that I have nowhere to go, nobody to talk to, and nothing I can do. All I can do is write. Perhaps somehow the pain will go away.
I really really want to give you my blessings with all my heart. But I am afraid I just can't do it. I am happy that you are happy, but every part of me wishes that it is a nightmare that I will eventually wake up from, just like the numerous times that I dreamt about this scenario. I knew it was impossible that a wonderful girl like you would be single all this while, but I tried not to think too much about it. For all the teasing about the lan tao hua, there was never a day when I stopped fearing that the next one would be real. To be honest, I really really tried to suppress my feelings about you all this while. God knows how many times I have wanted to pick up the phone to text you or call you whenever I experienced new things over here, and even just to ask how you were getting on. Your duties, your nephew, your scholarship, all the silly bridesmaid wedding prep stories etc etc. But many times I put the phone back down again, as I wasn't sure whether I was bothering you. Sometimes you just seem too busy to reply. I should have known that someone else was in your life...
But the last few days have been so painful, and the pain reminded me of what I have known all along - that I still love you as much as ever. I don't want to make you feel sorry or guilty - but you were my motivation. No matter how tough the work was here, I always kept you on my mind, and wanted to make you proud of me. When you told me you could be going for XXX, I knew I had to work hard, giving me a better chance of perhaps doing a postgrad with you.
But that was all in my head isn't it? And it has always been like this for us - me thinking some things but never saying them out, and perhaps you too. Thinking back, I feel so silly, and so angry, because there were so many chances for me to make things right, but I didn't. I remembered you told me you broke off with your ex because he was so insistent about his proposal and pressurising you. So I always wanted to give you enough space. Whenever I missed you, I wanted to drive to your place and tell you how much I missed you, but I didn't want to be like stalker, who turned you off and freaked you out. All I ever wanted was to tell you how much I loved you, that I wanted to leave the grey area behind, but at a suitable time, especially with you facing so much pressure at work at that time. It is so silly that throughout the course of more than one year, the timing was so elusive. We never got to go on the vacation that we had talked about. We never got to have a good talk as papers and meetings came and went. The gap between us just grew and grew. In the end, I guess I just never gave you enough security, that there was going to be a future with me. Why didn't I do that???? I fucking hate myself for not doing that.
Remember when I told you how I felt that you were the right one for me? That still didn't change... But there were also times when I looked at myself in the mirror in the morning, and feel like such a loser, that I don't feel good enough for you. Like how my friend said he was 'punching above his weight', I felt like that too when I was with you. But perhaps this was my mistake all along, so obsessed with how I was feeling, whether you were the right one, whether I was the right one, that I neglected how you feel. Yet the more I tried to compensate by giving you space, the worse it got. I wish that I had met more people before you, because these are all mistakes that people make when they are young. So that when they meet the right one, things fall into place. But now that I have lost you, it feels like I will take these lessons to my grave, never to use them again.
Words don't even begin to describe how I feel, to have the small sliver of hope within me ripped out. Thanks for letting me know, rather than to find out through some other way. But now that you are going to be someone else's wife, I don't even have the chance to tell you I miss you anymore in future. Here goes one last time - I miss you and I love you piggy. You were my happiness, my everything.
Perhaps you are right, I am never good at being just friends, definitely not with you... I wish you happiness in everything you do.
7 Apr 2012
7 Apr 2012
Hey piggy,
There are so many thoughts in my head that I don’t really know where to begin. So pardon me if I seem to be repeating myself or if it seems to be incoherent. But I guess I didn’t really want to leave things hanging like that.
First of all, sorry for being so useless and indecisive. I think I had said this a lot of times, but I am really sorry that things were always so ambiguous between us, which troubled you so much. To me, how I felt towards you wasn’t ambiguous. But still I couldn’t shake off the feeling of guilt that I had towards my ex. Perhaps subconsciously, I really wished she would find her happiness. I don’t know if it was out of concern for her or is it just to make myself feel better. It was really selfish of me to think that way, but I don’t know why I can’t shake it off. And in the process, I left you waiting and hanging like that, which was selfish of me again…
Sometimes I had also felt like we were in a Catch-22 situation. I had wanted so much to build something between us. We said so many times that we should hang out more, but in the end we could never keep it up. When I was free, you were busy. When you were free, I would be busy. I didn’t want you to give up anything by being with me, hence I had always tried to go out with you only if you were free or wanted to. And hence I was really sad when in the end, you were still tired out between juggling work, family, friends, volunteering and me. I wished I could integrate myself into your other activities to make it easier for you. But could I just call myself your bf just like that, without having built up something between us? But if building up something meant tiring you out, I guess then it’s better to stop…
I guess my low self-esteem also didn’t help. As much as I tried to hide it, I constantly question whether I am the best person for you, not just in terms of “love” per se, but also in all other aspects. XXX had told me that this isn’t up to me to decide, but still I can’t help but think whether I am an obstacle to you. XXX work had made me jaded and cynical, and this certainly doesn’t help to be supportive towards you in your work, especially when you are also questioning your own future in the service. Perhaps somebody like ES or artist would be much better. After all, I don’t even know what I am going to do after my bond ends, what kind of future will I be able to provide to you?
There were so many times in the last couple of months, when I wanted to ask whether you would be my gf, especially when I am holding your hands and looking into your eyes. But I knew you would ask me back whether I am sure blah blah. And the things above would go round in my head over and over again. And I would always think that you deserve someone better, or at least someone more decisive than me… Sorry for making you involved in this messed up world of mine. And making you so tired in the process. You really deserve better. And sorry if I appear unfriendly in the office for the next few days. I don’t want to talk to anyone and infect them with my bad mood… Sorry…
Hey piggy,
There are so many thoughts in my head that I don’t really know where to begin. So pardon me if I seem to be repeating myself or if it seems to be incoherent. But I guess I didn’t really want to leave things hanging like that.
First of all, sorry for being so useless and indecisive. I think I had said this a lot of times, but I am really sorry that things were always so ambiguous between us, which troubled you so much. To me, how I felt towards you wasn’t ambiguous. But still I couldn’t shake off the feeling of guilt that I had towards my ex. Perhaps subconsciously, I really wished she would find her happiness. I don’t know if it was out of concern for her or is it just to make myself feel better. It was really selfish of me to think that way, but I don’t know why I can’t shake it off. And in the process, I left you waiting and hanging like that, which was selfish of me again…
Sometimes I had also felt like we were in a Catch-22 situation. I had wanted so much to build something between us. We said so many times that we should hang out more, but in the end we could never keep it up. When I was free, you were busy. When you were free, I would be busy. I didn’t want you to give up anything by being with me, hence I had always tried to go out with you only if you were free or wanted to. And hence I was really sad when in the end, you were still tired out between juggling work, family, friends, volunteering and me. I wished I could integrate myself into your other activities to make it easier for you. But could I just call myself your bf just like that, without having built up something between us? But if building up something meant tiring you out, I guess then it’s better to stop…
I guess my low self-esteem also didn’t help. As much as I tried to hide it, I constantly question whether I am the best person for you, not just in terms of “love” per se, but also in all other aspects. XXX had told me that this isn’t up to me to decide, but still I can’t help but think whether I am an obstacle to you. XXX work had made me jaded and cynical, and this certainly doesn’t help to be supportive towards you in your work, especially when you are also questioning your own future in the service. Perhaps somebody like ES or artist would be much better. After all, I don’t even know what I am going to do after my bond ends, what kind of future will I be able to provide to you?
There were so many times in the last couple of months, when I wanted to ask whether you would be my gf, especially when I am holding your hands and looking into your eyes. But I knew you would ask me back whether I am sure blah blah. And the things above would go round in my head over and over again. And I would always think that you deserve someone better, or at least someone more decisive than me… Sorry for making you involved in this messed up world of mine. And making you so tired in the process. You really deserve better. And sorry if I appear unfriendly in the office for the next few days. I don’t want to talk to anyone and infect them with my bad mood… Sorry…
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